When things go sideways, our instincts often make them worse. It’s predictable—but avoidable. Here are three ways we sabotage ourselves and how to sidestep them:

1. Reacting emotionally

Stress hits, and emotions take the wheel. We lash out, defend, or panic. It feels immediate and necessary, but it rarely helps.

Emotional reactions cloud our judgement every time. Instead, try the 20-second rule. Let the initial surge of emotion pass—research shows it fades after 20 seconds. Then, your rational brain comes back on line and you can respond with clarity instead of reacting impulsively.

2. Blaming others

Blaming others makes us feel better, but accountability makes us get better. Pointing fingers might give temporary relief, but it burns bridges and stalls solutions.

The better move? Own what you can. Ask, “What’s my role in causing and fixing this?” Collaboration isn’t just smarter, it builds trust and leads to better outcomes.

3. Overcorrecting

Desperation leads to overreaction. Big, dramatic fixes feel satisfying but often create bigger problems. Instead, step back. Assess the situation calmly. Tweak one thing at a time. Small, thoughtful changes trump reckless leaps every time.

Bad situations call for calm heads, steady hands, and a refusal to let fear steer our responses. Resist the instinct to react, blame, or overcorrect. 

The goal isn’t to fix problems fast. It’s to fix them well.