“Why” you can’t fake intent

The question “why” holds immense power. It can either unlock possibilities or shut them down. The difference? Intent.

When you ask “why” with genuine curiosity, you open doors. You signal interest, an openness to learn, and a willingness to collaborate. It feels inviting, like taking a journey together. It’s the foundation of solving any challenging problem.

But when we ask “why” with thoughts or feelings of judgement, fear or contempt, the game changes. It feels like more like an interrogation to find fault. Instead of joint discovery and mutual understanding, you get defensiveness. Instead of progress, you hit a brick wall.

Same question different result, why?

Our tone, assumptions and timing—all carry information we interpret. Like the meta data attached to photos. It gives another layer of information to detect authenticity. We can’t fake intent.

Next time you’re challenged to understand the causes of a difficult problem, before asking others “why” stop and pause.

Ask yourself: Am I truly seeking understanding, or am I just looking to point fingers? Because your intent shapes the answer you’ll get—and the outcome you’ll achieve.