How to help kids think more independently, dropping our armour to be better leaders and how chronic stress can lead to cancer

4 minute read

Friday Thoughts & Learnings

This week I've been reading about simple ways I can teach my kids how to think independently, learning from Edward de Bono. I've listened to how Brené Brown argues the greatest barrier to daring leadership isn't fear its our armour, or how we self-protect when we're in fear. And I've learned about a relatively new science, sociogenomics, where researchers have found a link between chronic stress and changes in our DNA that can increase our risk of cancer. Yikes! Enjoy.

How to help kids think more independently

Teach Your Child How to Think by Edward de Bono

Although published nearly 30 years ago, this book provides loads of practical strategies and stories to help teach kids the art and skills of independent thinking.

While we might believe our rational thoughts drive our decisions, it is in fact our emotions that are in charge.

de Bono says: “The purpose of thinking is to arrange the world (in our minds) that we can apply emotion effectively.  In the end it is emotion that makes the choices and decisions. The key question is when we use our emotions and feelings".

Dropping our armour to be better leaders

Armored vs Daring Leadership podcast by Brené Brown

Brown argues the greatest barrier to daring leadership isn't fear, its our armour, or how we self-protect when we're in fear.

In this episode she unpacks the common types of armour, including being a knower versus being a learner, tapping out of hard conversations versus skilling up and leaning in, and using shame and blame to manage others versus using accountability and empathy.

Brown’s research found one type of armour people use is to allow ego to restrict vulnerability and close off our hearts and emotions. Our ego takes on this job where we believe not knowing the answers or being right will lead to pains like rejection, ridicule and remorse. 

Ego becomes the protector of our heart in this situation and drives our thinking and behaviours to not allow vulnerability. This isn't great.

“When our heart is open and we’re connected to our emotions, we become better at creative thinking and solving problems", she says.

Allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable, replacing a knowing perspective with a curious perspective and asking question keeps our heart open and more able to allow creative thinking problem solving to flourish.

Her research at the Gates Foundation found the number one reason that made leaders trust their direct reports more was if they asked questions. 

Leaders trusted people more with a big problem if they know the person would ask questions to understand it and ask for help if they needed it. Where their ego permitted vulnerability.

How chronic stress can lead to cancer

Chronic stress can cause cancer, cardiovascular disease and arthritis.

A relatively new scientific field of sociogenomics has discovered how social factors and processes (stress, conflict, isolation, attachment) can directly affect our DNA and cause nasty diseases such as cancers, cardiovascular disease and rheumatoid arthritis.

Researchers have found social stress causes the genes in our DNA to trigger inflammation, which the body does to prepare us to combat injury or viral infection.

Chronic inflammation caused by social stress makes it more likely we will suffer from inflammation-related diseases including cancers, cardiovascular disease, and rheumatoid arthritis.

In an environment where you feel constantly in a state of stress, not only is it unpleasant, it can also be really bad for your long term health.

Stress, to my mind, is where you have a problem but see no options or lack agency to solve it. 

What I'm doing to manage my stress levels is to ask others for help (still learning this lesson), running low risk experiments (I am a reforming perfectionist) and practicing gratitude for what I have. 

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