How to Escape the Prison of Victimhood

Victimhood is a seductive and all too common trap that robs the people who fall prey to it of their freedom and a workplace of the creative energy it needs to thrive. Bad shit happens all the time. Taking back control of your mind, being bravely accountable and reframing obstacles as stepping stones to growth helps you escape the prison of victimhood and get closer to living the life you want.

There’s an invisible trap that ensnares way too many people — a trap so subtle and insidious that people often don't realise they're caught until it's too late. This trap is called victimhood, a mindset that convinces us we are powerless and at the mercy of external forces, and if bad shit happens to us, its wrong and unfair and someone else should fix it.

It's easy to fall into victim mode. We've all been there at some point in our lives, perhaps blaming circumstances, other people, or even fate for our misfortunes. It's a seductive narrative, offering the comforting notion that our struggles are not our fault — that we are just pawns in a larger game being played by forces beyond our control.

But here lies the trap: adopting a victim mindset gives us immediate relief from the tension we might feel to find solutions for whatever bad things have happened, it ultimately leads to our stagnation and despair. It keeps us stuck in the problem and doesn’t help us get out of the problem.

By giving up control of what happens in our lives to external factors, we forfeit our ability to effect meaningful change. In a workplace, the more victimhood there is, the less people there are to find solutions that drive progress. It sucks the creative energy out of a culture.

Falling into the victimhood trap and becoming its prisoner is made easy by a belief we’ve likely internalised at an early stage of life that goes something like this:

“When bad shit happens to me it’s wrong, it’s not fair and it shouldn’t have happened. Because I didn’t ask for it or contribute to it happening, I shouldn’t be the one to fix it. Others should. So I’ll keep telling everyone how much of a problem it is and that I’m powerless to do anything about it until someone comes to rescue me and make it all better.” 

Image generated by Leonardo.Ai

At its core, victimhood is rooted in a fundamental misunderstanding of control. We mistakenly believe that by assigning blame to external forces, we can somehow regain a sense of power over our lives.

But it’s a false sense of control, built on the shaky foundation of denial and avoidance. True control doesn’t come from influencing external circumstances, but from within ourselves — from our ability to respond to life's challenges with courage and resilience, regardless whether we believe they are fair or not.

Adopting a victim mindset creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe ourselves to be powerless, we unconsciously sabotage our own efforts to effect change. We become trapped in a cycle of defeatism, where every setback is seen as further evidence of our inherent inadequacy. In this way, victimhood becomes a prison of our own making, limiting our potential and preventing us from contributing to a culture we want to be part of and living a life we really desire 

One of the behaviours’ victimhood can create in a workplace is a culture of perpetually seeing and pointing out problems and offering no solutions on how to solve them. I call this “turd observing”. Which is when people become great at describing the mess of bad situations they haven’t caused or don’t feel responsible for, and telling others about it in the hope they will solve it and make our lives better.  

Former US President Barack Obama once said,

“What I’ve seen at every level are people who are very good at describing problems. People who are very sophisticated in explaining why something went wrong or why something can’t get fixed. But what I’m always looking for is, no matter how small or how big the problem is, somebody who says: ‘let me take care of that.’”

The more people that fall into the trap of victimhood in a workplace, the more pervasive it becomes within its culture because people start believing that being a victim is what creates connection with others. It becomes the norm behaviour of the group and to fit in we can unconsciously start doing it too.   

This becomes toxic in a workplace because problems are abundant and need solutions all the time. Problems don’t discriminate. Complaining about them doesn’t help them get any better. Action does. Victimhood offers no practical value to helping solve problems. 

Escaping the prison of victimhood

Escaping the prison of victimhood requires a fundamental shift in perspective — that no matter what happens to us we are ultimately responsible for making our lives better. Accountability is the antidote to victimhood. 

I’m not saying external factors don’t play a role in shaping our circumstances and at times it sucks, what I am saying is that that we all have the ability to respond to those circumstances in a way that empowers us rather than diminishes us. And whatever happens, good or bad, we are ultimately responsible for the actions we need to take to make things better for ourselves and our workplaces.

This is the kind of belief and behaviour that drives satisfaction and ignites creativity and progress in a workplace.

If you’ve fallen into the trap of victimhood, or want to help a friend or colleague that has, here are three steps you can take to climb out 

Step 1: Recognise the role your thoughts and beliefs play in keeping you a victim

One of the first steps in breaking free from victimhood is to recognise the role our thoughts and beliefs play in shaping our reality. As the saying goes, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."

Ask yourself, “what evidence do I have that being in victim mode makes me happier or fixes my problems?” Does it help my career or is it making it stall?

Shifting a belief, particularly a long held one, is made easier where we can prove that it doesn’t help us anymore or is making our lives worse not better.  

Step 2: Take ownership of actions that help understand and fix the situation

Here’s where accountability starts to kick in and accelerate change.

Instead of observing problems and complaining about them or avoiding them in the hope others will solve them, ask yourself, “What can I do to better understand it?” 

Understanding problems breaks them down so they can be solved.

Do your best to suspend judgment of whether the problem is right or wrong and instead be curious. Curiosity opens the door to creativity. Judgment slams it shut.

Step 3: Reframe obstacles and pain as stepping stones to growth

Victimhood fools us into believing the pain of taking action to fix problems is not worth the gain we will get if we do. Bollocks to that I say! 

Rather than viewing problems we face as insurmountable obstacles that will just mean further pain and suffering, choose to see them as opportunities for growth and learning.

No pain, no gain. It’s cliché but true. Pain that helps us grow is good. Seeking comfort and avoiding problems that could help us develop and grow keeps us and our workplaces stuck.

Solving problems will involve getting some things right and some not. That’s normal. By reframing setbacks as stepping stones on the path to success, we can transform even the most difficult circumstances into opportunities for personal and professional development.

Breaking free from the prison of victimhood is one of the most rewarding and life changing things you can do — one that requires courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to embrace change.

It's not always easy, and there will inevitably be setbacks along the way. But by taking responsibility for our own lives and choices, we can reclaim our power and create the changes we need to live the life we desire and the freedom to be part of workplaces that are both satisfying and rewarding.