I have many roles like all of us. Among them I’m a father, entrepreneur, coach, educator, consultant, author and mentor.  I’m often asked for my advice and am happy to share it.

Recently I’ve rethought how to give advice, especially when it involves sharing it with someone who feels vulnerable and overwhelmed by the problems they are facing.

I came across an alternative way of giving advice called “narrative sharing”. It involves responding to someone's challenge or problem by sharing a personal story or experience without explicitly giving direct advice. The “share” can be related to the challenge or problem or a feeling or emotion that comes up that’s relevant.

The important part of narrative sharing is that there are no “you should’s or what I would do’s” in what you say. It has to be focused on you, the story sharer. 

The power in this approach is it allows the person listening to what you have to say to draw their own insights and advice from the narrative. 

They aren’t forced into a situation of accepting or rejecting something that’s offered directly to them as advice. They get to pick and choose what they want and not have to justify it. All they have to say is ‘thanks for sharing’. 

“Advice should always feel like a gift to the receiver to do with as they please, without fear of any negative repercussions.”

Everyone values their freedom of choice. And when you feel vulnerable you are particularly sensitive to being told what to.

Many of our troubles are when we feel we lack choice and adding more onto this shit pile by getting ‘advice’ from others they feel they have to take or risk disappointing the advice giver is not helpful. 

Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

This technique is rooted in the belief that individuals better internalise advice and find solutions when they discover them through personal reflection.

By offering a related experience, you create a space for the person to connect with the story, relate it to their own situation, and draw parallels that guide them toward a solution or decision.

I’ve found it a more subtle and empowering way to provide guidance, allowing the listener to extract relevant lessons or perspectives from the shared story.

I’ve learned to let go of wanting others to follow my advice, and instead offering my experiences like a gift bowl of fruit to someone who says they are hungry.

It’s how I now give advice, by not giving advice.